Here's a question you probably haven't asked yourself lately (or ever): How do you want to feel when you wake up tomorrow morning?
How do you want to feel?
If your first thought is "I just want to be happy," you're not alone—though in my opinion, that word has become so overused it barely means anything anymore. And if you're drawing a blank altogether, that's even more telling.
We can articulate what we want to have, what we want to do, and what we want to become. We're fluent in achievement language. But the vocabulary of our internal landscape? That's foreign territory.
And yet, this might be the most important question we've never learned to answer.
Here's what I'm suggesting: What if we gave ourselves permission to name the feeling states we actually want to live in?
I'm talking about something deeper than happiness. Aliveness. Groundedness. Spaciousness. Creative energy. Peace that isn't dependent on everything going right. Joy that shows up in ordinary moments.
These aren't luxuries. They're the internal conditions that allow us to navigate whatever comes—and to do it from a place of integrity rather than depletion.
When you know how you want to feel, everything else gets simpler. You can finally tell the difference between what you should do and what actually serves your soul.
Your Internal Compass
Feeling states are internal coordinates. They're like having a compass that points to true north instead of just following the route someone else charted.
Life coach Martha Beck teaches the body compass: Picture a choice, then notice your physical response. Does it feel warm—expansive, alive, easy? Or cold—contracted, heavy, resistant? Your body knows what serves you before your mind finishes analyzing.
When you know you want to feel energized, that book club that 'would be so good for you' reveals itself as the soul-draining obligation it is.
When you know you want to feel grounded, you stop saying yes to every request just because you can technically fit it in your calendar.
This isn't about feeling good all the time. It's about knowing which internal states matter most to you, so when hard things happen (and we know they will) you can navigate back to yourself.
A Personal Example
I know I want to feel spacious. That's the word I've landed on for that breathing room I crave. Days that aren't tightly scheduled, plenty of margin between social obligations, writing deadlines, meetings, home projects, and time with the people I love. I need at least three unscheduled days a week. For what writer Alice Koller calls being "luxuriously immersed in doings of my own choice."
I used to feel odd about this. Now? I don't care what anyone thinks. I won't budge, and my life is noticeably better for it.
This is what it looks like to navigate by feeling states instead of external expectations.
The Questions That Change Everything
What feeling states make you feel most like yourself? When do you experience them? What conditions create them—or destroy them?
Start paying attention. Notice when you feel genuinely alive versus when you're just going through the motions. Notice the difference between feeling pleased with yourself and feeling at home in yourself.
These aren't academic questions. They're navigational tools. They'll show you where your life has drifted from what matters most.
The Way Forward
Over the past few weeks, I've been writing about the disorientation many of us feel at this stage of life—that 'I don't know who I am anymore' feeling and, for some of us, the recognition that we've been living by someone else's script. Learning to name the feeling states you want? This is the path forward.
You don't need permission from anyone else to want to feel joyful, peaceful, creatively energized, or whatever your soul is calling for. You only need to stop treating your internal experience as less important than your external achievements.
Once you know what you're really after, the way forward becomes clear.
Hand-Picked Just for You
ADVICE AND INSPIRATION FOR FEELING wildly ALIVE
She Didn't Let Go
After losing her husband of 60 years, 81-year-old Bonnie Sumner found her way back to the gym—and discovered something remarkable about herself. This New York Times piece is the kind of story that stays with you.
To Set a World Record at 81 | New York Times (Gift Article)
Coping With the Uninvited
This piece by clinical psychologist David Clark is one of the most practical things I've read on navigating the kind of change most of us dread—and most of us can't avoid. Whether you're facing it now or bracing for what's next, it's worth your time.
How to Cope With Disruptive Change | Psyche
Brain Training That Actually Works
Not all brain training is created equal. A landmark 20-year study found that one specific type of cognitive exercise reduced the risk of dementia diagnosis by 25 percent. This New Scientist piece breaks down what it is, why it works, and what it means for how we age.
Specific Cognitive Training Has Astonishing Effect | New Scientist
Actress Daryl Hannah Speaks Up
Daryl Hannah has spent decades choosing silence over spectacle. In this New York Times essay, she explains why she's breaking that silence now—and raises a question every woman should be asking about whose story gets told, and at whose expense.
How Can ‘Love Story’ Get Away With This? | New York Times (Gift Article)
Little Bits of Light
Words to open your heart and SOOTHE YOUR SOUL
Thank You for Sharing
How She Thrives!
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