When was the last time you stopped to think about what you value most?

We've been exploring purposeful living here at How She Thrives, and here's what research tells us: recognizing and living according to your values creates a richer sense of purpose. Even better? Defining and aligning your life with your deepest core values is one of the most effective ways to reduce stress.

Your core values aren't goals you set or ideals you strive toward. They're what you naturally gravitate to—what you're drawn toward without effort or even conscious thought.

The Authentic, Evolving You

I'm naturally empathetic. Always have been. Responding compassionately to people, animals, the natural world—it's not something I have to work at. And witnessing cruelty or meanness? It's excruciating. Compassion is a core value that's been with me all my life.

But here's what took me longer to discover: authenticity. I spent the first half of my life people-pleasing, trying to fit in, shrinking myself down. It wasn't until my mid-40s that I started looking within, really understanding myself. That's when I learned about value clarification and authenticity became essential. So while compassion has always been there, authenticity has been a core value for about twenty years.

Some people are natural explorers. They roamed as kids and still crave travel as adults. They don't force themselves to want it—the pull is genuine and profoundly satisfying.

Others are natural inventors, drawn to using imagination and original design to meet needs they've identified. Curiosity and perseverance might be two of their values.

Your core values are ideals specific to you that guide you toward your best life. And they evolve based on your experiences. What mattered in high school likely looks different from what you value in retirement. This is why revisiting your values matters so much during transitions.

The Lifelong Benefits of Defining Your Values

Kelly McGonigal is a psychologist and lecturer at Stanford who translates neuroscience into practical strategies for wellbeing. In her book The Upside of Stress, she shares research that stopped me cold:

Writing about your values is one of the most effective psychological interventions ever studied. In the short term, it makes people feel more powerful, in control, proud, and strong—while also feeling more loving, connected, and empathetic toward others. It increases pain tolerance, enhances self-control, and reduces rumination after stress.

The long-term effects? Boosted GPAs, fewer doctor visits, improved mental health, help with everything from weight loss to quitting smoking. It helps people persevere through discrimination and reduces self-sabotage. Often from just one ten-minute writing session, with benefits appearing months or even years later.

Start by thinking about experiences that have consistently brought you meaning, fulfillment, and joy. Reflect on choices, actions, and relationships that made you feel like you were living as your authentic self.

Some Questions to Help You Get Going

• What’s something you did or were attracted to when you were eight years old that still draws you today?
• What about the state of the world causes you real pain or heartache?
• What would you do to make the world better if you had the chance to make a huge difference?
• What’s one thing you dream about doing that you’ve never told anyone?
• Where have you invested the best of your time, money, and energy? Why?
• What do you take the most pride in, and why?
• What makes you feel fully alive when you are doing it, and why?
• What has been the most satisfying thing you’ve ever done, and what made it so fulfilling?
• What would you most regret not having done at the end of your life?

You might find it helpful to work from a values list—I know I did. Brené Brown's list in Dare to Lead is one of the better ones I've encountered. You can download it here.

Choose ten values initially, then compare them two at a time and eliminate at least half to arrive at your final five. Brené recommends narrowing down to two. Many people find that too difficult, including me. Five works well.

Mine right now: Authenticity, Compassion, Creativity, Vitality, and Wisdom.

Once you've identified your top five, define each one in your own words—bullet points, phrases, or paragraphs, whatever works. Writing your definitions solidifies each value's meaning and reminds you to align with them when facing difficult decisions.

Living aligned with your values simplifies everything. You develop inner integrity and completeness, the strength and spaciousness to lead life calmly and confidently, no matter what comes your way.

Without clear values, your life is like a sailboat without a wheel—tossed by changing tides and winds, at the mercy of forces beyond your control. In a world that often feels chaotic and directionless, well-defined values provide clarity, motivation, purpose, and genuine belonging.

[Please note: This is the third article in the Women Doing Life on Purpose series. you can read the first one here and the second here.]

Reconnect With Your Zest for Life

If you can lift yourself out of a rut, you can reduce symptoms of depression, lower levels of distress and pain, and improve resilience. Here are some good ideas and steps you can take to bring zest back into your life.

9 Ways to Feel More Alive — at Any Age | Shondaland

The New Science of Women's Brain Health

Most of what we know about health and disease centers on the male body. Neuroscientists overlook aspects of the human condition relevant to half of the global population (e.g. the menstrual cycle, the pill, pregnancy, menopause).

The Bowers WBHI is driven by a radically simple idea: progress in neuroscience will flourish when the health of men and women are valued equally.

The Ann S. Bowers Women's Brain Health Initiative

But Wait, There's More

The second half of our life can be even richer and more rewarding than the first half. The key lies in moving from one kind of strength to another. 

A Vision for the Second Half of Life | Next Avenue

Going Home for the Holidays? How to Tell if Your Parents Need Help

When you have older parents, things change. Which is why holiday visits are an ideal time to take stock of how your parents are doing at home — even if they’ve been telling you everything is fine.

Read some excellent tips about what to look for and classic warning signs your parents need help.

My Aging Parents | Free newsletter