Have you ever felt like life is happening to you rather than something you're actively creating?

Maybe it's the way you automatically say "yes" when your adult children dump their problems on you, even though you're already overwhelmed. Or how you find yourself complaining about the same issues—your health, your relationships, your living situation—without taking steps to change them.

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. I spent years feeling like I was just reacting to whatever life threw at me, especially during my corporate days when I felt completely stuck but didn't know how to change course.

But what if I told you there's a simple shift in mindset that could transform how you experience this season of life?

It's called high agency—and it might be exactly what you need to move from feeling like a supporting character to becoming the confident author of your own story.

So What Exactly Is High Agency?

Clinical psychologist Nick Wignall describes high agency as the belief that you have the power to positively influence yourself and the world around you. It's the difference between thinking "This is just how things are" and "What can I do to make this better?"

People with high agency see themselves as the authors of their own lives rather than supporting characters in someone else's drama. They don't wait for permission or perfect conditions—they take thoughtful action, even when they feel uncertain.

Now, this doesn't mean controlling everything (impossible!) or ignoring real constraints. It means recognizing that even in difficult circumstances, you always have some choices about how to respond.

Why This Matters More Than Ever

As women navigating the second half of life, we face unique challenges that can easily erode our sense of agency.

Society tells us to step back. Cultural messages suggest that our most important contributions are behind us and that we should gracefully fade into the background. Our roles are shifting too—empty nests, retirement, caregiving responsibilities—these transitions can leave us feeling unmoored and reactive.

And let's be honest, many of us were raised to prioritize others' needs, making it harder to advocate for ourselves as we age.

But here's what researchers have discovered: People with higher agency experience less depression, greater resilience, and stronger self-esteem. They're better equipped to navigate transitions and create meaning in their later years.

Here's how I like to think about it—we've survived decades of challenges and accumulated tremendous wisdom. High agency is about finally giving ourselves permission to use that wisdom boldly.

The Emotional Benefits Are Real

When you cultivate high agency, remarkable shifts start to occur.

Your anxiety decreases because instead of endlessly worrying about things you can't control, you're channeling that energy into what you can influence. This shift alone can dramatically reduce stress. And your relationships? They improve too, because you're finally getting comfortable being assertive about your needs and boundaries, leading to healthier, more authentic connections.

You also build genuine self-esteem that comes from consistently taking actions that align with your values. You develop deep respect for yourself. You bounce back faster when setbacks happen because they become learning opportunities rather than confirmation that you're powerless.

Four Ways to Cultivate More Agency

1. Be a Creator, Not Just a Consumer

Look for small opportunities to build and contribute rather than just absorb. Maybe that's writing handwritten letters to your grandchildren instead of endlessly scrolling social media, or starting a community garden instead of complaining about the neighborhood's lack of green space.

The key is shifting your default from "What can I get?" to "What can I give or create?"

2. Practice Speaking Up

Start small. Return that overcooked steak or lukewarm soup. Express your opinion during family discussions about holiday plans. Ask for what you need from your doctor instead of just nodding along.

Each time you advocate for yourself—however modestly—you strengthen your agency muscle.

3. Clarify What Really Matters to You

High agency requires knowing where to invest your limited energy. Spend time identifying your core values. What principles guide your most important decisions?

When you're clear about what matters most, it becomes easier to say no to requests that don't align and yes to opportunities that do.

4. Surround Yourself with High-Agency People

We're influenced by the people we spend time with, so seek out friends and communities where women are actively shaping their lives rather than just enduring them.

This might mean joining organizations where older women are in leadership roles, or simply spending more time with that friend who just started pottery at 67 instead of the one who only complains about her aches and pains.

Small Steps, Big Changes

Now, you might be thinking this all sounds overwhelming. But you don't need to overhaul your entire life overnight. High agency grows through small, consistent choices.

This week, try this simple exercise: Identify one situation where you typically feel powerless or frustrated. Then ask yourself: "What's one small action I could take to improve this situation?"

Maybe you'll finally have that difficult conversation with your spouse about household responsibilities. Perhaps you'll research support groups for caregivers instead of suffering in isolation. Or you might decide to take that watercolor class you've been thinking about for months.

The goal isn't to solve everything at once—it's to start seeing yourself as someone who takes thoughtful action rather than reacting to circumstances.

Your Power Doesn’t Have An Expiration Date

The world wants women our age to believe our most powerful days are behind us. But I've seen too many women in their 50s, 60s, 70s, and beyond creating meaningful change in their lives and communities to buy into that narrative.

Your high agency doesn't threaten anyone. It inspires others to reclaim their own power.

As you move through these rich years of life, remember this: You have more influence than you think. Your voice matters. Your choices create ripples that extend far beyond what you can see.

You already possess the wisdom and strength to author a meaningful next chapter. So what story do you want to write? And what would you do this week if you truly believed in your power to create positive change?

Little Bits of Light

Words to open your heart and SOOTHE YOUR SOUL

Thank You for Sharing

How She Thrives!

Enjoy this issue? Please forward it to friends or share it on your favorite social media platform.